This kid that grew up in an upper class town in Massachusetts and had the world at his feet was now sleeping in trash and jumping into peoples yards and stealing their metal to cash in for drugs. This kid was picking up used needles off the streets and sticking it in his arm to get the " sickness" off of me from the heroin. Then one day I did something beyond stupid...

My name is Jim. I was born and raised in Massachusetts. Throughout my childhood years I had a handicap that made my early years difficult. My peers would make fun of me and I wasnt like everyone else. When I was 9 I had an operation that corrected my handicap abody

length cast for almost 6 months, while I lay in my hospital bed all that timnd I was in a 3/4 e heavily medicated on such pain killers as morphine and dilladid. I wondered why this happened to me.I didnt like myself very much and I certainly did not like other people very much because other people made fun of me and hurt me.The operation I had corrected my handicap and I started   playing sports like football, hockey and soccer where I couldnt play these sports before my operation, now I could. But even though I played sports and was a pretty normal kid on the outside I still did not care about myself and I was skeptical about other people.

My father was a drinker of  alcoholic beverages during my childhood years and my uncle and my fathers friends that came over to our house. I would always watch these people that started out quiet, angry and basically unhappy about things transform after 4 or 5 drinks to happy, cheerful people who liked eachother and had fun! I thought WOW! I want to feel that way! So one day I snuck down to my dads bar and mixed myself a drink of whiskey, I took a sip and nearly threw up. But I drank enough of it to feel that warm feeling it produced and the feeling that nothing else mattered. I did not like the way alcohol tasted but I surely liked the way I felt when I drank it.

Then one day when I was hanging out plaing video games at the bowling alley some guy asked me if I wanted to smoke marijuana. I said yes, and all I know is I hung out with these 3 guys and I laughed so hard and had so much fun and they actually LIKED ME! I thought to myself where had this drug been? And how can I get more of it? So started my decent into the drug pit. I would steal money from my parents and buy pot and get everyone high because when I did that people liked me and they wanted to be around me. I actually had people want me to go over their house and hang out with them, not once putting it together that they wanted to be around me because I supplied free drugs. This great social butterfly person transformed over the next few years to a guy who would sit in a hotel room alone for days sticking needles in his arms to inject cocaine to get a glimpse for a few seconds of that feeling that everything was good and cheery. That would last (if I got the feeling) at most 20  seconds. followed by a tremendous "crash" that had to be followed by more cocaine. 

During this time I found out that cocaine was a very expensive habbit and I started stealing to get the money to buy it. This behavior caught up with me and I ended up doing 7 1/2 months in jail. I got out of jail only to turn around and go right back to stealing and doing cocaine and ended up going back to jail for 2 years only 3 weeks after I got out from doing the 7 1/2 months. This was a pretty low point in my life, but I found a kind of safety in being locked up. I could lay down and watch tv and eat and not worry about doing drugs. sure I had to deal with the guards treating me like crap and other inmates causing problems, but I would not use drugs. Occasionally a joint would come my way and I would use it, but in general I would stay clean. I still had those feelings of worthlesness  and this empty feeling inside no drug ever filled.

I tried for the next 8 years trying to fill that hole inside me by doing heroin,cocaine, xanax, whatever came my way. And those drugs brought me to state prison, overdoses, loosing everyone that I cared for and loosing every single thing I had bought myself or was given to me. I had ended up living on the streets in north philadelphia. I was white and I did not fit in there, I got into alot of fights and got robbed a few hundred times, but it was worth it because I found out why should I live in the suburbs and pay $20 a bag for heroin when I can live in philly and pay $5 for the same thing? And I eneded up sleeping in abandoned, burnt out row houses collecting copper, brass and aluminum to cash in and get my money to pay for my drugs. This kid that grew up in an upper class town in Massachusetts and had the world at his feet was now sleeping in trash and jumping into peoples yards and stealing their metal to cash in for drugs. This kid was picking up used needles off the streets and sticking it in his arm to get the " sickness" off of me from the heroin. Then one day I did something beyond stupid, I commited a crime that ended me in the New York State Prison System. This is where I found out what prison really was in maximum security prisons like downstate and greenhaven correctional facilities. But it did not stop me from doing drugs.

I continued to use drugs until one day a friend of mine convinced me to go to church and then to talk to the pastor. I was high on morphine sulfate pills at the time, I told the pastor this and that I wasnt really understanding what he was saying, he said that was OK and to try to understand. He proceeded to tell me about Jesus and told me that if I said this prayer Jesus would change my life. I was so desperate I said the prayer. I will tell you this there was no bright light or earth shattering experience, but I started to slow down on my pill consumption, I started to go to church to listen to the preacher and learn about Jesus instead of going there to meet my friend from the west side to get my morphine pills. I actually made it to my release date without loosing it AGAIN for submitting a dirty urinalysis. I had some time in prison to give the state of Pennsylvania so they picked me up in New York and brought me to Camp Hill reception center in PA. I was in there for 6 months and I stayed off of drugs the whole time! I started to go to church and Bible studies and I had a guy move in my cell that was a Christian and I started learning about the Bible. I got transfered to a minimum security prison in Western Pennsylvania. When I was there I took a drug and alcohol class with the instructor Mr. Trainer. For the first time in my life, I opened up and let out all the stuff that had been haunting me. I was HONEST for the first time since I was a child. I was so hurting inside that I had nothing to loose. I just let go and gave it my all and it helped that I had an excellent instructor.  

I incorporated that class with what I was learning about Jesus and I actually changed. I started seeing with my own eyes the transformation that Jesus was performing in me. As I looked back since I had accepted Christ, I could see how I was changing and I started seeing the blessings Jesus had given to me. And instead of asking for things I started thanking him for all the blessings he was sending my way. I got out of prison and Istayed off drugs. I went to church 3 to 4 times a week, studied my Bible and I started walking 12 to 15 miles a day. I have made a few mistakes since that time, but I have not done anything that I could go to prison for. Jesus totally removed the temptation I had for stealing and being dishonest. He gave to me my first love back and we married and had a
handsome son and my wife and I named him "Christian". What better name than the Lord's? As I said, I have not been perfect, I have made alot of mistakes, but through Christs love and blessings he has kept me alive and out of prison. I had gone back to prison in 2003 for 3 months for a parole violation, but am proud to say that I got in no trouble while I was in there and because I was honest and had changed the parole board gave me a 90 day jail term. It was unprecedented. Anyone with my history and the fact that I had walked out of a halfway house and left the state would have gotten at least a six month term. No one had ever gotten 90 days and I can only sumise that I had prayed to Jesus daily and I had truly changed and the parole commission saw that and through Jesus they decided to give me a chance to prove myself.

I got out and for the FIRST time in my life, completed parole while in society, not in prison on a parole violation. Jesus has performed a million miracles in my life since I have accepted him. Over the past 4 years I have grown to love and cherish my Savior. He has given to me a life I never thought was obtainable. Anyone that knew me and that includes me would tell you that I was going to die in prison or with a needle hanging out of my arm.

If you told anyonethat I would have a wife and son and that I would be off of drugs and not commiting crimes and being HONEST and trustworthy and be more concerned of others feelings, wants and needs rather tahn my own and would be preaching to everyone about Jesus they would tell you that you were crazy. Sometimes Jesus allows things to happen so that we will turn to him and our faith will grow. Recently I had relapsed on cocaine. I made some mistakes during this time and I became homeless, without a penny in my pocket, my parents did not want anything to do with me, my wife did not want me in the house, did not trust a word that came out of my mouth, was scared of me and my son would look at me like I was his enemy. This all happened in 2 weeks. One day I just decided I had enough and I prayed and cried to Jesus and asked him to help me stop using drugs. That day, I stopped, anyone who is reading this listen carefully please, Jesus is real and he can change your life and he can and does perform miracles. I got my wife back, my son back, I had taken the rent money and blown it on cocaine, we had gotten papers to go to court and I went to court and had a judgement put against me for $1,400.00. I asked GOD for help and to not let my family and I end up on the street. We were supposed to be out of our house in 5 days. GOD provided the money to pay our landlord, we did not get kicked out. We had no food GOD provided my family and I with food! I was on my way back to jail for a probation violation, I walked into court and the judge gave me another chance! a month earlier when I had turned my back on GOD and was doing  cocaine, the judge basically told me I was out of chances and I was going to jail, when I went back in front of him not using drugs and having complete faith in my saviour, I walked out a free man with another chance to do things right. I got 100% honest with my wife and made a promise to GOD and myself that I would be honest about everything and for the first time in my life everything that comes out of my mouth is honest! My wife trusts me, my son loves me and looks at me with love now, my parents talk to me and I love myself! I write pretty much everyday in my christian journal my wife got me 2 years ago. My life has totally changed because of Christ, not me! I cannot do anything without him. Jesus has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams. He has given me eternal life, the honor of knowing him, the chance to love myself and love others , to trust myself and trust others, to be trustworthy, to be selfless, not selfish, he has given me my family back, our house, he is the ONLY reason I am here writing this. I love my lord with ALL my heart. I only wish that I can do one percent for him that he has don for me. I want to tell the world about Jesus. I want everyone to feel the love I feel, the happiness I feel because of Jesus.

I  love Jesus so much and I owe my life to him.Everything I have and am is because of him. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and may GOD bless you and keep you in his loving arms.

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