I know the Lord now for three and a half years. My name is Heiko, I am 29 years old and come from a small town in Germany. Now, here is my testimony: I grew up in a family where there was always fighting. My parents always argued with each other, and the climate in our home was absolutely sub zero. I remember always being afraid of hearing Mom and Dad screaming at each other the next time. I have little detailed memory of all that, I believe I cast it out of my mind because it hurt too much.

But I know that the first question I remember asking was to my mother: "Mom, what will happen when I die?" Since my Mother is an unbeliever and an atheist, she was very little convincing in trying to explain to me that Christians (which is what most Germans believe to be while being trapped in dead religion and going to hell) only live this life as a preparation for eternity in any kind of afterlife. As I already said - she was quite unconvincing by preaching what she herself didn’t believe, so a terrible fear arose in me and gripped my heart: The fear of death, of simply perishing some day without anything that remains. I thought that even if I die and go to hell for eternal pain, that would still be better than to simply die and cease to exist.

This fear began to fill my life more and more. While I was lying in my bed at night and sweating for fear when I thought of death, unable to sleep, I made my way as a teenager first into alcohol, then into heavy metal and occultism, then into pornography and fast changing relationships with many girls, sometimes more than one at a time. I tried to find anything that would fit into this hole in my heart and would take the fear and depression away from me. The harder I tried, the deeper I fell. I am a gifted musician and played guitar in several bands, and I tried to express what was going on inside me by writing depressive lyrics about death and a hope of afterlife, trying to find any sense in my existence. This made me slip away still further into occultism, searching for hope in Eastern religions. All I knew about Christianity was the Roman Catholic church. I even believed in a way that Jesus lived and was God, but I did not know about his "exclusiveness" and nothing about being born again and knowing Jesus personally. Therefore "Christianity" left me also empty and I turned totally away from it. My music became a tool for me to easier get into relationship with women. I wanted my girlfriends to fill this emptiness in me. It did not work at all. All this time in my bed at night I was silently screaming for God to reveal himself so that I could have any proof or sign that I would not perish if I die.

One day it all began to change. I went out to celebrate my birthday in a town nearby, and there I met my former guitar teacher, whom I hadn’t seen for 8 years. He was married (a wonder to me - he was sex& drugs & rock´n roll when I had seen him the last time) and told me he now believed in Jesus and that God had turned his whole life around. I immediately felt that this was what I was searching for - I knew he did not talk some form of religious stuff but that he had experienced something with the true God I was looking for. The following months I visited him and his wife over and over, always hungry to hear about Jesus. I was already very much comforted because now I knew that God existed and was a God of love, although I did not know Him personally and was not converted. I was so much comforted that I even began to evangelize before being reborn!

Then two things happened that broke my resistance - first, my band kicked me out, second, my girlfriend left me. I was broken. I went to my former guitar teacher, and told him all my sorrows - and he replied. "I can’t help you." That was a bad blow. But then he commenced "But Jesus can. Am I allowed to pray with you?" I agreed, and he and his wife started to pray with me. The very same moment, a presence entered the room I had never felt. I knew - this was God. This was exactly what I always looked for. The Holy Spirit brought my fears and wounds to the surface, and I began to cry like a baby. They easily led me into the "sinner’s prayer", and I gave my life to the Lord. The very same moment, the fear of death went away and never returned again. The emptiness in my soul made place for a deep peace. I sat on the floor quite a while and was just being loved and blessed by Jesus. After I stood up again, I looked into a mirror and thought "This is not you. This is no longer you any more. I feel like a little baby, pure and new." I never heard I teaching about rebirth before - I simply felt it.

From there on, God began to rebuild my life. One day when I was in prayer (just a few days after my conversion), I started speaking in tongues. I didn’t know what happened, so I got terrified and stopped. I asked my "spiritual parents" about it, and they encouraged me to practice it. Next time I was praying I was praying for almost an hour in tongues. I was so thankful for this gift!

In the last three years, Jesus has changed my life completely. He delivered me from drinking, then He helped me get rid of my occult things and broke many curses in my life, I already received physical healing for at least three times I instantly remember and - He gave me a wonderful wife (who gave her life to Jesus the first day we met), and by now I am married for two years and it’s getting better and better! Instead of worshiping Satan in heavy metal music I play the guitar and sing in our church’s worship team. The power of the cross is still working signs and wonders and transforms people!

Although there are still many battles ahead (e.g. my relatives are still all unsaved) I now know the most important thing: I will never perish, but enjoy eternity in the presence of God, with the most wonderful family (namely my brothers and sisters in Christ!) I could ever imagine. God has heard my crying in bed. "And your father, who sees in secret, will reward you openly." Hallelujah!

I hope this testimony will help liberate many who are bound by the fear of death. You do not need to bow under Satan’s dominion. You can be free today. Jesus can set you free - He paid the whole price for ALL your sins on the cross. You cannot imagine how great the peace is that comes from the revelation of the forgiveness of sins and the resurrection and the eternal life that Jesus gives you. Please turn to Him. Trust in Him, and embrace the cross!

He won’t push you away. He loves you and He can and will change you. Whoever you are - you NEED change! Be blessed in the name of Jesus, Who loves you and gave His very own life for you!!!

Heiko Poth

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